Dating! (Mayan style)

My home is situated far from the cultural center of the church in a suburb just north of the bustling city of Chicago. This cultural distance combined with recently returning from a mission in Los Angeles has caused me quite a culture shock here at BYU. Not surprisingly, the biggest part of this culture shock is the overwhelming marriage atmosphere here in Provo. Everyone knows that marriage permeates the air we breath here in such saturated levels it could quite possibly be dangerous to the unexpected tourist. It is fairly obvious that this folk knowledge of marriage comes from years of informal and informal schooling. From church to the home, many LDS members have grown up with a future marriage and homemaking at the forefront of their minds. You could say the Provo marriage obsession traces its roots all the way back to Sunbeam class.

A rich deposit of learning potential can come from examining (at a cautious distance mind you) this new culture I find myself thrust into here at school. As part of this examination, I take you along the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico and through Guatemala to compare Mayan marriage and dating practices to those found closer to home here in Provo.

Unlike most LDS children, thoughts of marriage usually started around the age of 16 for males and 12 for females at a ceremony called the "Descent of the Gods" (shown in the painting to the right). In this ceremony the adolescents would ceremoniously remove clothing- white beads for males and a red shell belt for females that represent their virginity.

The main drive behind marriage in both cultures is primarily: to provide a healthy, strong and large family. Despite this similarity, Mayan parents were more involved than LDS parents in their children's dating and marriage life. We are used to many "marriage/dating talks" or the varying amounts of pressure to date. Instead Mayans went a step further and practiced arranged marriages. The method of these arrangements was through a professional atanzahab (matchmaker). He would read the prospective couples' horoscopes to determine compatibility in such areas as birthdays, names and among the gods. After this time the bride to be's father would agree on a price for his daughter and once in agreement the groom to be would work for him. This process could take as long as five to six years to complete. Throughout this whole arrangement process it is highly likely the marriage couple to be would not so much as engage in a single conversation. I laugh as I compare this Mayan custom to the stories we here in Provo that shock us involving a total time elapse of one month from first meeting, then dating and finally engagement and marriage.

After this deeply entertaining and interesting study of Mayan marriage and courting practices, it makes me think of what marriage should be based on. I also wonder simply what marriage means at its core to me and to all of us as members of the LDS Church. Personally, I know I prefer the methods many of our parents use to keep this particular piece of folk knowledge alive and vibrant by (might I go as far to say?) brainwashing us from a young age. I will pay the price of some cultural discomfort as I adjust to life here in Provo in exchange for a marriage based on profound love and the true Gospel and not simply a negotiation made between my parents and her parents. I do not judge the Mayans seeing as the distance between their culture and time period to Provo is much greater than Chicago's is!